God is SO good!! :)

Hey everyone! Wanted to let you know the good news and I’m sorry it took a little while to get this out. It took a little longer today to get the results and then for me to get home in front of a computer to send this out. We got a little spoiled with the first CT when we got the results within the hour so when a few hours past and there was no word it seemed kind of weird. I was in Marisa’s office waiting for the report and had stepped out to the bathroom for a minute and I caught a thought going through my head saying “Well, I guess it is possible…it happened before so…” and I snatched the little bugger right out of there because none of that is allowed. And just thought “Nope, I know everything is fine. I just know it. I can feel it and I know God didn’t bring me this far to have it all undone. The miracle has already happened; it is already done.” So I squared my shoulders, chin up and waited for the good news and walked right out to hear Marisa saying “All good baby!” Ahhhhhhhhh…the magic words and another exercise in choosing faith over fear.

Just to show you how far I have come, I’ll tell you another little secret. As I went through the scanner today I actually caught myself wondering if anyone would notice if I fell asleep (we’d had a long weekend that I’ll tell you a little bit about in a sec) while they were zipping me back and forth through the machine. I actually smiled when I realized the contrast of the mirrored moment to a time not all that long ago when I was doing strenuous mind calisthenics before, during and after my scans, saying affirmations and doing detailed visualizations until my brain hurt…anything to ensure the only acceptable result…vibrant perfect health. I quickly deduced it would not be a good idea to snooze while on scan duty since they make you hold your breath and stuff and that they would quickly notice I had checked out. Anyway, for someone who’s not a “napper” (remember the TV thing?) and that I was so intense with the earlier scans that I would be tuckered out, completely drained afterwards, I’d say that’s pretty good progress.

Me with my grandmother

I want to quickly share something with you about this weekend and then I will excuse myself to go celebrate. My mom flew down from D.C. for my scan saying she couldn’t miss it because we had done all the other ones together, so we had her fly into Destin, FL where Neil and I had spent the 4th. The plan was to drive over to Gainesville to see my grandmother who is 96 before heading back to Atlanta for my scan. It had really been on my heart to go see her as it had been quite sometime since I had seen her, mainly because I wasn’t able to for awhile and then just sheer geography. Knowing my mom would like to see her as well, it seemed like perfect timing. But, just a few days before my mom arrived, my grandmother fell and split her head open, losing a lot of blood and was taken to the ER. I’m telling you all this because of two things I think are worth sharing. One was a weird dichotomy I found myself in and the second was something we all need to be reminded of from time to time. So the first..here I had been fighting so hard for so long just to live, to gain back the luxury of time, of decades rolling out endlessly towards some distant future and here my grandmother was wishing the end would come. She has lived an amazing, full life and is ready to go. And as we cleaned out her apartment (yep, she’s been living on her own in a retirement community up until now, 96 years old, and walked three miles every morning up until a few years ago (she’s a stubborn little thing, maybe that’s where I get it!) because she will not be able to be on her own anymore, several of her friends stopped by to see how she was doing. These are people who had been physicists and doctors, had learned many languages and traveled the world, had raised families and seen them expand several generations, all now at the end of their lives, each with a story of their life’s journey filled with depth and love and passion and…life. Which brings me to the second point…”Live NOW.” NOW is the time. As I looked at their weathered, lined, sweet faces, outward expressions of the wisdom of their years and listened to their stories I thought, “People need to hear this.” I obviously learned this in a different way and I consider myself lucky because I’ll never forget it. But I remember a time before when I would hear a story of someone like me and all of life’s priorities would quickly shift into place as I thought of them or their families and then time would go by and I would get busy and that spark would fade back into the background of life, into a distant hum as life whizzed by. Please don’t let that be you. Do it now, whatever it is you’re saving for later, do it now. Fill your life up with as much love and fun and joy as you can handle and then add a little more, not out of fear but because when you get to a retirement home I want you to have great, rich stories to tell of the adventures of your life and to exhale with a deep satisfaction, knowing that you really lived.

Oh, and by the way, don’t let those little old ladies fool you. I was out for a morning run around the property and was just thinking how cute they were as several of them shuffled by with their walkers when a black scooter blew by me out of now where, about taking me out, and a little hand shot up with a quick wave. Too funny. :)

I wish you all a lovely evening with more gratitude for all of your prayers and support than I know what to do with. You guys are just amazing and I am once again humbled by the love and grace you have shown me.

May you all be blessed,

Alyssa

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